Telephone X
by DK2005
Summary: NM? One ring is all it takes. WARNING: boy x boy sex, although not too graphic.Set between chapters 74 to 76.


**TELEPHONE X**

_NOTES: Can be treated as a sequel to __Predator, or treated individually._

8888888888 _denotes a change in perspective._

_00:05:01 AM_

One ring.

Two rings.

_Please be a half ring next._

Three…click!

_There you go._

Line opened.

All it took was another digital ring for me to pick up.

_And then..._

"Mel?"

"Yeah."

_That _voice. And he hasn't even said an actual word yet.

Just a "yeah", but that was all it took…

"About our conversation last time..."

Feeling like a complete fool, always out of words, yet I've got to keep talking to keep _him_ talking.

_At least that's what that little slag must think._

Just to hear him talk.

So _desperate_ just to hear him talk.

Or say the little sod's name.

"I knew you were going to bring that up."

_But please keep talking._

"So do you?"

This was getting desperate and utterly idiotic, but whatelse could I say?

It was all that was on my mind, anyway.

"Oh, you little…"

Half a scoff, but that hint of flirty tone was unmistakable.

_Does he do this with him all the time?_

"Do you, Mel?" I pressed on.

"Well, what do you think?"

Silence.

"Mel?"

Please talk, the silence is _killing_ me.

"I'd like to hear the question again."

I knew why you said that.

Because it makes me sound so desperate, _begging _you to tell.

_But I've been your slave since day one. _

My beautiful, beautiful sin.

So I don't care. So sue me.

"Uhm…"

Clearing my throat, for the millionth time, the words escaped my mouth like a tsunami.

"Do you ever think of me, when you sleep with him?"

There. I've said it.

Twice.

And I already knew what the answer was going to be.

"Everytime."

8888888888

_00:07:13 AM_

It was my turn to call last night, so he must at least try to call again tomorrow night. There was usually one or two days interval between our secret phone calls.

The line was clear, thanks to Matt. I've got one secure line for my own personal business now.

He's such a techie genius, he could trace calls from anywhere in the world, or make calls to anywhere around the world undetected.

But this was different. When Neiar first called, it appeared as a private number. So when I picked up and found out it wasn't Matt, I freaked out for a bit thinking I got tracked down. Because Matt and I communicated using random secure lines to dodge hackers.

And somehow, Neiar infiltrated It.

I'd never forget that time.

_"Yeah?"_

_Silence._

_"Mel?" _

_Oh God, this is unreal._

_"Neiar?"_

_"Yes."_

_"How did…?"_

And the rest was history.

Pulling out a new bar of chocolate from the small drawer in the corner of my room, I speculated about whether he was always going to call past midnight. Knowing Neiar, the patterns of his actions are always so recognisable.

_Especially when it comes to me._

Unwrapping the chocolate bar, I sat down on the couch and pushed my parka aside.

One ring.

I turned around.

Two rings.

Couldn't be Matt. Last time I checked he was so preoccupied hacking that little wench's phone, MisaMisa or whatever the hell her name was.

Two and a half.

_Calling again so soon, my dear?_

I opened the line.

And ten seconds later...

Ring!

"Neiar?"

"Yeah."

Something different about his voice.

I knew what I said last night would have had some sort of lingering effect on him. It was terribly subtle, but I could tell.

Correction, _only I_ could.

"Couldn't sleep thinking about what I said last night?"

"No."

Liar.

"I couldn't care less."

_Liar._

"So why did you ask in the first place?"

"Just because."

"Yeah right."

"Oh no?"

Silence.

I could hear his latent irritation.

_Anticipation in his breath._

"I didn't sleep with him last night."

"I didn't ask you that."

_No, but I bet you're dying to know._

"So what else do you want to know?"

"Oh and I'm supposed to believe everything you say?"

_He knew me so well._

Anything I wouldn't tell, I wouldn't have offered. Even if it was a joke.

He sighed.

That noise I knew so well. I knew if his sigh was exhaustion, frustration...or sexual.

"It's called truth or lies, Neiar."

"Oh, in the mood for playing games, are you?"

That got him going.

"I can't believe you can even think of that at a time like this."

"Oh?"

"Kira is after you, you know."

You and your sad SPK.

"Tell me something I don't know."

You said it.

"Hmmm..." Thought I'd keep the tease on just a little longer.

"Well?"

_Slight frustration._

"Yeah."

A long exhale escaped my mouth.

"Yeah what?"

_Sexual._

"I'll tell you something you don't know."

Silence.

And then his breath again.

Slight raise on volume, but staying calm as ever.

_Neiar, do you want to?_

"Alright, Mel. Go ahead."

As soon as he called me "Mel", I knew what he was on.

_And I bet you couldn't wait, hey Neiar?_

"I know what you're holding in your hand right now."

"Oh yeah?"

_Excitement._

"What is it?"

_Impatience._

"I'll tell you I've got one in three chances of getting it right."

"Fine."

The tone of his voice lowered.

"Either one of your stupid puzzle or lego pieces, or a tarot card." I started.

Silence.

"Actually, Mel..."

"Yeah?"

"It's none of the above."

8888888888

_00:42: 03 AM_

Damn him.

"Neiar...ahhh..."

For always doing this to me.

"Mel..."

For being able to get inside me.

"Are you going to..."

Even without him physically being here.

"Yes...ohh, yes..."

A short gasp, which lasted about half a second, and then...

"Ah!!"

I could always tell when he came. Not just because he was often loud, but there was always that unmissable crackling sound as he bit down into his chocolate bar.

And with that last added touch of reality, I completely lost it.

With panting breaths and warm mess in one hand, struggling to adjust the earphone speaker around my head, I managed a few words.

"How was it for you?"

A soft sigh from the other end, which made me want to all but cradle him in my arms.

"As usual."

Hold him tight.

"Yeah?"

Run my hands all over him.

"Yeah."

_Make love to him all over again._

"You know it is."

Because this is the only time he could really let go, and the closest he could get to making honest love with me.

Over the phone.

Ironically.

"Mel..."

_I want you._

"Yeah, what is it?"

Still want you...more and more.

"Nothing."

Does _he_ do the same?

"Oh, come on Neiar."

Make you feel this good?

"If only..."

Make you gasp sharply and bite down hard on your chocolate?

"...what?"

Oh...Gods...

"It was safe for us..."

_You're so close but so far away._

"...to meet up."

His breath. And another crackle.

"I know what you mean."

I'm addicted to you. The way you're addicted to your chocolate.

"Mel..."

Do you want me too? As much as I want you?

"Oh. Gotta go."

No, wait...

_Click._

Oh well.

"Yeah, talk to you later."

And then there was no more Mel. Only the dim lighting in my room, the disappearing echo of my own voice, and the cooling mess in my hand.

I wondered how long this would last. Our discreet phone sessions.

Tapping into this line wasn't exactly rocket science for me, but it wasn't easy either. He was rather taken aback when I first successfully reached his mobile, after a few failed attempts. Didn't sound exactly happy, but not exactly annoyed either.

You never stopped thinking about him, did you?

He _never_ pushed me away.

_But that was probably only because, thankfully, I played my role perfectly._

It was enticing, lingering and I bet he couldn't just put the phone down, unless an emergency came up. Or any suspected attempt to get us caught, by the SPK or anything else. And hence our secret code. Two rings, followed by a half ring. If it was safe, the person on the receiving end will open the line and let the caller get through the second time. If not, the line will be closed.

From then on…it was history.

The never ending cycle.

That neither of us could escape from.

First me.

Then you.

Then me again.

Phone calls after phone calls.

Ring tones after ring tones.

Mere lines that act as a border between our madness.

Taking turns, and discreetly ravishing each other...with nothing more but voices.

Except as soon as something comes up, we are to disconnect at once.

But we've had our fun.

_Oh if you only knew, Mel._

Sliding away from my seat, I cleaned up briskly.

And if _he_ only knew.

How I've invaded that little throne of you and _him_.

All those intimate details.

_All those pieces of you._

No one gave it to me but you yourself, Mel.

_Without you even realising it._

8888888888_  
_

_10:58:16 PM_

"Ahh..."

Damn you, Neiar.

"Ahh...ahh..."

For knowing everything.

"I'm going to..."

For knowing how much...

"Me too..."

... that doing it with him...

"Ssshh!"

...doesn't compare to doing it with you.

"Oh!"

Biting down on my chocolate bar, my body exploded inside him.

But my mind exploded inside_ you._

_Only inside you._

And when a burst of warm protein brought me back to reality, I slumped down on the bed beside him, with fantasies of Neiar filling up my head.

"Mello..."

_Not the smell of Neiar's protein._

"Sshhh."

Without looking up, I shushed him down. When I took a peek through my strands of hair, it wasn't silvery platinum hair, huge doll eyes and pale complexion lying down beside me. It was dark straight hair, slightly tousled, eyes hidden behind pearly goggles and slightly tanned complexion. And wasting no time, he moved aside and cleaned himself up...as if not wanting to bother me and my private fantasies.

A streak of pity loomed over my head.

"It was OK, Matt."

He turned to me and nodded, with a long breath that said "That's all I needed to hear."

That it was OK.

_If he only knew what was in my head._

It started off almost like an afterthought.

But once we've had our fun, it became an addictive routine.

Sleeping with Matt was a totally different experience. He was a no-fuss, no-nonsense and (almost) no mess person.

It was purely physical.

Almost technical.

I didn't think Matt even cared how I treated him. Or who he screwed. Sex was like another one of his pastime, no different than his hacking habits.

I turned around a caught the glint of my rosary.

It reminded me of how Neiar would sometimes play with it afterwards…

_Do you ever do it with anyone else, Neiar?_

Matt left the room quietly. As he always did.

_If you do, do you ever think of me?_

Matt hardly ever made a noise, almost like Neiar, but with him I knew it didn't mean anything.

With Neiar, hide it all he could, it meant more than anything.

_Mel, do you want to?_

Random words from the past echoed in my head.

Neiar with his silver, dreamy cloud of hair.

Neiar with his enigmatic eyes, cold pale skin but pragmatic hands that generated ecstasy.

_I'll make you remember me for the rest of your life._

With Matt, we were always on the run. A brief hiatus from a mission, catching what's left of the air.

With Neiar, it was never quick. Lingering, dragging, and indulgent, no matter where and how the situation.

_Do you ever think of me, when you sleep with him?_

Neiar, it's _so_ like you.

Asking questions you already knew the answer for.

And last night was no different. But then I'd be thinking the same thing. I was just too proud to ask.

Lying in my bed, with nothing but the sound of my own breathing, I turned around and caught a glimpse of the phone sitting at the corner.

All it took is one button.

Easy as _that_.

It was my turn tonight anyway.

Unlike you Neiar, I didn't feel the obsessive-compulsive need to wait until just past midnight.

And then a ring.

_Eh?_

Two rings.

I thought tonight was _my_ turn.

Two and a half.

I didn't remember ever getting out of my bed that fast.

Line opened.

And I waited for the follow-up.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Nothing.

Maybe he suddenly lost his privacy.

_But..._

He could usually manage stuff like that, and wouldn't even bother trying had it been unsafe in the slightest.

Which was so unlike Neiar.

What game are you playing, my little one?

Funny.

Did you want _me_ to call?

_I was going to, anyway._

Feeling sudden exhaustion overcoming me, I decided lie back down on my bed.

Neiar, I quit the waiting game. Now it's _your _turn.

_02:59:00 AM_

Didn't think I'd fall asleep that long.

Yawning and stretching for a while, I reached around under my bed and pulled out a new chocolate bar.

Unwrapping it, I moved closer to the phone.

I figured he's waited long enough.

Ignoring the faint buzzing sounds of Matt's gadgets in the other room, I pressed the button and waited for two and a half rings to reach Neiar's secret line.

Click.

Ten seconds.

Redial.

"Hey."

That familiar voice, gentle yet firm.

"Hey."

_Innocent yet tempting._

"Been waiting long?"

"Not exactly."

Lying back down on my bed, licking on my chocolate bar, I could hear faint breathing in the background.

"It's not like you to call this late."

_Couldn't wait, could you?_

"What difference does a few hours make, really?"

It must have..._to him._

"You were sleeping with him weren't you?"

I knew he'd say that.

"Does it matter, really?"

"Not after what you've told me last time, Mel."

_Everytime._

I could only think of you.

_Everytime. _

"I could almost hear it from here." He continued.

"Oh yeah? Such as?"

An invitation.

"He was all over you wasn't he?"

With just the right splash of jealousy.

"So what if he was?"

Biting down on the next square of my chocolate bar, a sliver of heat slipped through my chest.

"Does he do that thing you really like?"

He was _so_ aware of where this was going.

"What thing?"

_I love it when you talk dirty like that._

"Well, first of all..."

"Yeah...?

Long nights of whispered sordid fantasies and breathless ecstasy.

It's Neiar like no one had ever seen or heard him.

And he's like that only to _me._

"I'd need to get there first."

Of course, there always had to be a tint of reality to his mind's liking.

"And how are you gonna do that? You don't even know where I am."

It wasn't like he was going to detail it out to me.

"I don't need to tell you that."

A short sigh.

"I have my ways," the words intertwined so aptly along his breath.

"Oh do you?"

We've done this many times before, but he still had this need to go through this whole chronological process of situational description.

But I wouldn't think he'd do it any other way.

Maybe that turns him on, I don't know.

"Once I get there, I'd peek through the window, or what's left of it."

"Uh-huh…"

And then...

"I'd slip through the rotten metal doors, it makes this annoying creaky sound..."

"Careful there, you might wake Matt up."

I just couldn't stop myself doing that.

"Oh, him."

Annoyance and jealousy mixed in just two short words. Nothing beats teasing him.

"Do you always have to ruin it like that?"

_I was almost laughing inside._

"Alright fine, no more mention of Matt. He's not around at the moment anyway."

And I wasn't lying.

"It was dim, but I could tell you were sitting there, at the corner of the room, from the shadows."

Suddenly breathing became a bit heavier.

"Crackling sounds of chocolate, your unhealthy addiction."

I bit down into my chocolate, as if signalling him that he was doing very well.

"You're sitting there, on your comfy but tacky leather couch, seemingly out of place in that crummy 6x8 cubicle."

"It's actually a bit larger than that, Neiar."

I heard him inhaling a long deep breath, as if frustrated for getting it wrong.

"You're wearing that stupid tight black top and leather pants again, gosh, don't you ever get sick of those?"

"Oh, you're suddenly a fashion critic now are you?"

But I knew he was simply saying there's no other way he'd rather have me. We've done this so many times that even though we haven't seen eye to eye for the past four years he'd probably memorised my entire wardrobe, and the furniture (or lack thereof) in my underground unit.

"No, I just don't like fashion in general," he said in his typical matter-of-factly tone.

"Even the ones on me?"

"_Especially_ the ones on you."

8888888888_  
_

_03:27:01 AM_

For these moments, I'm so thankful for words. Aside from my round-the-clock technical babble and basic communication, they've so been taken for granted.

But for now, for this little heaven bordered by mere digital rings, it's like words exist only for us, for the sole existence of our secret pleasures.

"Neiar, I..."

Hearing him calling that name, made my blood boil for both passion and resentment.

But it was me, all because of me. And they were _my_ words.

And it was _my_ words that made him came just then.

"Mel, ohh, Mel..."

My Mel. My whole life.

_Mine._

How I wished it was him, and not the phone. How I wished it was his hand and not mine.

And my thoughts were once again distracted by his heavy breathing in the other end.

"Fancy _that._"

Those two words have grown on me beyond my imagination. So simple, yet so intimate.

So _you_.

"Yeah."

I wondered what _he_ might think, though.

He owned Mel more than I did now, at least physically. Or mentally, whatever.

If you only knew.

That I wasn't that far away from you.

_That we were actually closer that you ever imagined._

"Did you make a mess?" his sensual voice broke the silence.

I subconsciously looked down on myself. Not that I could see much, being in the brink between darkness and light. But the unmistakable smell of my own protein was there, although, something was missing.

_Because yours was nowhere to be found_.

"What do you think?" I wasn't just going to give him a straight answer. Reaching out for tissues to wipe myself clean, I contemplated what to say next.

A light chuckle, and I could hear him shifted a little to get his next bar of chocolate.

"So, what was last night all about anyway?"

"Hm?"

"You know, when you rang, I got the line out and you didn't call back?"

What was he talking about?

"I didn't ring last night."

Which was the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"Bollocks."

No, wait.

What if it was _him_?

"But I really didn't."

But how could _he_ know about Mel's...

"So who was it?"

And _why_ would he, anyway?

"Nonsense, Mel."

"Well, if it wasn't you, who else could it be? No one can access this line except you and me."

Which is why it was practically _impossible._

"You were imagining things."

How I wished it didn't come out like that.

How I actually wanted to say something else...but then it would be so unlike...

"Neiar."

Blatant frustration in his voice.

"You didn't have to patronise me like that."

And now I couldn't think of anything to say.

"So is this line not safe anymore then?"

Was all I could think of.

"I don't know, you tell me."

_Click._

_21:59:04 PM_

I thought those were the last words I'd ever hear from Mel.

But I knew that when he hung up, it was a pre-emptive strike for the possibility that the line wasn't safe anymore.

Or so I kept telling myself.

And I've worked on it the whole night, double checking, re-assembling, everything…but there was nothing wrong. It was impossible for anyone to get through except us. I should know, I was the one who built the connection in the first place.

My mind trailed back a few weeks.

When I first got through to him.

The first reaction was priceless. It wasn't hard to organise that line guaranteed only he will answer.

"Yeah?" a flat, military reply. _So_ recognisably Mel.

I've heard it a million times before, but it was never enough, I kept missing it.

Especially in this different setting.

Fighting a million nerves, one word came out of my mouth in victory.

"Mel?"

Silence.

And then...

"Neiar?" it turned to a whisper.

"How did..."

Not that it was important for the both of us.

"I got us a secure line."

"Well congratulations." came his sarcastic response, but one I so knew was coming.

From there words just flew.

Stories after stories. Fantasies after fantasies.

_Lies after lies._

Because I knew there was no way I could get to him as truthfully and as whole as he was now.

That first night we talked for hours. And it instantly became a routine need.

Inevitably.

But nothing could prepare me for the answer to that question.

"I suppose you think about me still, then?"

He drew in a long breath, as if scoffing 'how could you not know'?

"All the time, Neiar."

_Trickle._

"All the time."

_Click._

Mel, do you know that you were always on my mind too?

_More than you will ever know?_

I was sitting on the rooftop at the time, and it had started raining. It was very out-of-character, really, I didn't usually do that, but that night, for some reason, I needed somewhere different.

An unfamiliar setting, away from my room.

Because there was the possibility of it failing, or you not wanting to talk to me, thinking it was a prank or whatsoever, and then having to face that memory everytime I entered my room to work.

Yes, I'm pathetic like that.

_Yes, that's how much effect you have on me, Mel._

But it worked.

Never thought it would be so easy.

_Though it wouldn't have been had you not wanted it as badly as I did._

23:02:17 PM

Since that first phone call, the days had always felt too long and the nights too short.

Waiting.

_Anticipating._

It became a relentless thrill.

_Did you feel the same too, Mel?_

My room was dark as usual, with the distant hustle and bustle of the slums occasionally fighting the silence in vain. Not even the sound of a clock ticking in here.

One ring.

_Ah._

Two rings.

Thought the break would never come.

Two and a half.

I waited for the second attempt.

Ten seconds later...

Redial.

I picked up promptly.

"Mel," I said under my breath.

"You did it again."

My face frowned by itself.

"Did what?"

"You rang and didn't ring back?" he continued, only adding to my confusion.

What the...

"No I didn't. Tonight was supposed to be _your_ turn, Mel."

8888888888_  
_

_23:05:15 PM_

I knew that wasn't a good sign.

"You're saying this line is contaminated?"

I sensed uneasiness down his end.

"I don't see how it ..."

"Oh, bollocks, Neiar! Enough with your logical babbles, even _you _can screw up too, you know!"

I didn't know whether I was really irritated at his calmness or the prospect of having to stop calling each other for security reasons.

An uncomfortable silence.

"There's a possibility that the line's been infiltrated."

"By who?" It wasn't as if demanding would lead to any concrete answer, but I did it anyway.

"I...suppose..."

"Look, I think we should stop this for a while."

_I really wished it didn't have to be this way._

"I suppose so."

_Click._

As my grip on the phone tightened, as if unwilling to let go, the line closed from his end.

All it took was one button.

_Neiar..._

Loveless, lifeless Neiar, the void in my soul, but the only one who could fill it.

Fuck this.

I wasn't planning on letting it get to me, so I decided to go out.

Out of this room that suddenly felt more confined, narrower, hotter...uncomfortable.

_Far away from the damn phone._

On my way out, I caught a glimpse of Matt in the next room, almost drowning in the heap of coiled cables, computers and handsets. We couldn't even hear each other most of the time. We work together and sleep together at times, but apart from that we each did our own thing.

On my way out his silhouette caught the corner of my eyes.

He looked somewhat...agitated.

Or maybe I was just seeing things.

"Matt, I'm going out. Buzz me if you want anything."

_23:37:42 PM_

Walking down the streets of any US suburbs always looked the same. It's so different to England. There was always a feeling of darkness, something looming over you, and anytime you need to hide you can just walk into that safety zone. In here, everything was so blatant and exposed, you feel vulnerable, and being in the spotlight all the time, there was nowhere to hide.

In some ways, I missed England from time to time.

Sometimes I wondered if Neiar did too.

_And if he did, I wondered if he ever missed..._

One footstep.

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard a conspicuous set of footsteps behind me.

Turning around, all I saw was the corner of metal fences and a homeless junkie who didn't even look alive.

Maybe it was nothing.

Pacing up, I thought about a shorter route to get back home.

Two footsteps.

I was right.

_Someone's following me._

It wasn't a smart move, but the next thing I knew I was reflexively turning into a nearby alley.

Three footsteps.

_Shit._

Although in the dark I might have a better chance of escaping.

But as it got darker, the unpredictability of the situation came closing in. It was either hiding or running as fast as you can.

And stupidly enough, I chose the latter.

Not bothering to look back, I charged into whatever was in my way, rubbles, car wrecks, puddles...

"Stop, Mello!" My chaser finally broke its silence.

It could only mean one thing.

"We have orders to detain you!"

SPK.

_Neiar, you dirty..._

And that made me angrier than ever. So I stopped short and reached for my gun.

"Stop right now!!" I finally snapped. "Don't you move another step."

Amongst random street lights, I saw the face of one of them.

Nothing but a rookie.

Neiar's SPK bitch.

He stopped but tried to look cool while catching his breath.

"Put the gun down, Mello. This is the SP..."

"I know who the fuck you lot are!"

I knew what they wanted.

_In yer dreams, bastards. _

And that was when someone came out of nowhere and grabbed my gun-holding hand...

There was a shot.

It hit nothing but air.

He brought someone else with him.

_Cowards._

"Fuck off!!"

But it was all useless, as the two of them grabbed me after successfully snapping the gun off me, kicks and punches surrounded me.

The physical pain wasn't the worst bit. Amongst the random blows, I couldn't help wondering whether these bastards were following Neiar's orders or acted on their own.

No, Neiar wouldn't stoop this low…

_But if they did..._

No, even Neiar wouldn't do anything that outrageous...

I _knew_ him.

_...or did I?_

I didn't know what to think.

"Ah!" A kick landed on my chest, and forced me down on the ground.

_Why are you doing this to me, Neiar?_

Then came a startling realisation.

I was going to be captured. And dragged all the way to the SPK Headquarters.

Where he will be sitting there, looking down on me.

Bruised and worse still...

_Defeated. _

Whether this was part of his plan for me to be dragged down there or not, I didn't care anymore.

I'd do anything to avoid seeing him right now.

_Absolutely anything._

So when I saw that chance, I jumped at it, kicked them both with all the energy I had, charged through as hard and fast as I could, running through alley into the dark once again.

And then the sound of a gunshot, destroying the temporary silence, slitting through the darkness.

Followed by a burning sensation on my right shoulder.

Ignoring the debilitating sore as the skin of the bullet ate through my skin, I ran and ran and ran.

_Neiar, you..._

It was like that time again.

When the NPA broke into our headquarters.

Cooperating with the SPK, of course.

_Your _fucking SPK.

And then the killswitch.

And half my body burnt to hell.

_You_ never had to go through that.

Living in the comfort of your high-tech protection, always safe and warm, your playground, your fucking heaven.

_Fuck you, Neiar._

"He's escaping!"

All those phone conversations, all those intimate nights, meant nothing to me now.

I couldn't believe myself for even thinking all that crap at a time like this.

Without turning back even for a milisecond, anything in front of me became a blur, as if even a speeding trailer in my way couldn't stop me. There was nothing else left but to run and run.

I should've taken out the bike. Or the car.

But I was lucky they weren't on a stakeout or anything. Because I could've been surrounded from other locations, until it then became obvious that this wasn't an organised SPK move. Maybe some of the lower rookies decided to be spontaneous and attack random areas thinking they knew better and become hero of the day.

After what felt like a million years, I finally reached home.

Wiping blood trickling down my chin, I caught a glimpse of my watch.

I was only out for 25 minutes.

Unreal.

Matt wasn't there. And that was the last thing I remembered thinking before everything disappeared into darkness.

And then somehow, at the very pit of that darkness, I saw him.

Everything turned white right that second. The familiar silvery white hair, the white shirt, pale, ghostly hands...

It's been over 4 years, but I knew it was him. No one else would recognise him the way I did.

Neiar, you bastard…

_Look what you did to me!_

I wanted to reach out, wanted to shake some sense into him, maybe even bash him a couple of times, but my body was deadweight.

He lifted me up, laid me down somewhere more comfortable but the aura emitted around him never changed. His actions, his arms and movements were warm and caring, but there was nothing apologetic about his eyes.

It was like...

It was like I was a mere chore to him.

_Maybe that was what those phone calls were too, for him._

A mere chore.

A tactical experiment.

Neiar, you...

_"Mel...are you going to...?"_

_"Yes...ah..."_

Stop!

Don't touch me now.

I was shivering, but I didn't know if it was just the cold or the jolts of frustration.

And he noticed that.

Because the next thing I knew he put his arms around me.

_Don't._

Just _don't._

But I was powerless.

"Ssh..."

A soft shush, but he never let go.

_Did I really want him to stop?_

I hate you, Neiar.

You engulf me in your never ending mystery, enticing, addictive and insatiable.

Just as quickly you disappeared, leaving me in the depths of the black hole.

And then here you come again, pulling me back to our cycle of addiction, as if nothing ever happened.

_Teasing_ me.

_Playing_ with me.

Like I was nothing but some kind of an amusement.

An experimental object.

Feeding your desires...until you get bored.

Yet I never knew what you were really on about.

Never knew what your plans were.

_Neiar, you..._

I never understand.

_I don't want that._

But worse still...

At the moment, I was a mere tool for you to get to Kira.

Whether I like it or not, it was the way things were unfolding.

Coming to that conclusion, I realised I needed to break out of his web.

_At least for now_.

While the truth was that I wanted to break him apart, tear his plans apart, just like one of his stupid jigsaw puzzles.

Used and abused him, played him rough, until he couldn't hide beneath his icy exterior anymore.

Until he begged me to stop.

Oh, how I wanted to break him again and again, and for him to be left no choice but to fight me back...the way it used to be in the Wammy's House just over 4 years ago.

_"I'll make you remember me for the rest of your life."_

_I'll show you, Neiar._

But first things first, I had to snap out of it.

_Now._

But my eyes jerked open, it wasn't Neiar I found curled beside me, smothering me with his every existence, his distant, cold yet haunting apparition.

It wasn't pale white skin and silvery twirls of hair pressed against me.

Instead, it was dark straight hair, sharp like the rest of his features.

Slightly tanned skin, even though I rarely saw his whole face which was mostly covered by goggles anyway.

_Ah._

Matt was nothing like Neiar.

Not just because he looked a bit older, but how ironic their existence were.

As much as I hated admitting it, Neiar had always been embedded somewhere deep within me. Like a dormant volcano, never dramatic, but I was always aware of his existence.

Neiar...his ghost.

His memoirs.

His..._essence_.

He planted them all in me _without even trying_.

While Matt, the ever action-packed shadow of me, always there for me, always marking his existence, it was almost as if he regurgitated every single kilojoule of his energy every chance he's got, onto me, or everything we worked for.

But he never got inside me.

No matter how long we spent together.

No matter how many times we exchanged liquids.

Both metaphorically and literally.

Matt had one of his arms slung over me, yet all I could think of was Neiar.

I felt a sting on my cut lip, and then the smell of antiseptic. As I looked down, nursed wounds began to reveal. A bandage around my arm, luckily I wasn't wounded by the whole bullet. And an ice pocket on my bruised side, which has shifted and in the brink of falling to the floor.

And the only thing preventing it from falling down was his arm around my side.

_Matt..._

"How are you feeling?"

"What the...!"

My uncontrollable gasp of surprise totally cut him off.

"Sorry."

He quickly turned around apologetically.

_So he wasn't asleep all that time?_

"No, I'm sorry. I totally didn't think you were awake." I corrected myself.

Matt adjusted the ice pocket and shifted away from me, lighting a cigarette.

"SPK?"

"Don't ask."

I could never be just the slightest courteous to him.

He took care of me. Did _everything_ for me.

Neiar did shit-all for me and all I could think of was him.

Bollocks.

"Thanks, Matt."

His answer was a long puff of his cigarette.

"I hacked into their system, but there wasn't any planned attack on us. At least, not that I could catch on. No further development on the Misa girl either."

I've already concluded the SPK attack was random. If not they'd be attacking Matt too by now.

"Alright."

Needing my usual craving, I tried to get up and reached over the nearest drawer where I put my usual stacks of chocolate. What I got was a sudden sharp sting on my side.

"Bloody hell!"

Cursing uncontrollably, I stopped short.

"Here."

I looked up, and Matt was standing over me, handing a fresh bar of chocolate between his fingers in my face.

"Ah, ta." I grabbed it from his hand.

_Matt, you..._

"Best not try to get up anytime soon."

Unwrapping the bar impatiently, I sighed in agreement.

"Right."

Finishing off the fag, he fell to his legs and sat on the side of the couch, then slowly turned around.

"Sorry about what happened. I should've been there."

Taking a bite off my chocolate bar, I thought of something nice to say back.

"Don't be daft. There was no way you could've known all that bollocks."

It was all that came out. I tried.

"Me..."

He was about to say something when the dreaded sound broke in like an uninvited guest.

One ring.

_That was the last thing I wanted to hear right now._

Matt got to his feet almost instantly. "I'll get it for y..."

"Leave it, Matt!"

"Mel...?"

_Two rings._

"I said, leave it!!" Grabbing his hand by reflex, trying to stop him from fetching the phone, I dropped my chocolate bar, making a mess.

Two and a ha...

Matt looked at me, somewhat unsure of what to do, and, me, trying anything I could to block out that damn phone no matter what must have been nothing short of an invitation.

It happened like that.

Just like that.

So when Matt bent down to move closer to me, I didn't turn away.

I didn't want it, but I didn't not want it either.

"Mello..."

_Maybe I wanted it so that I didn't have to think about Neiar anymore._

"Matt..."

_And maybe I didn't want it because everytime I did it with Matt I'd think about Neiar anyway._

"Just...shh."

Now there was only us and now. Me, Matt and nothing else.

"But Mello…"

_I wanted to make love with Matt, _I said to myself

"Just do it slowly."

Not Neiar, not now.

It was ironic considering the fact that the time I wanted Matt most came at a time where Neiar had the most effect on me.

He didn't make any comment, not that he usually did anyway, and just went about putting his arms around me, then pressed himself down but being careful not to hit where I was hurt, a certain pedantic measure about his actions.

So I kissed him.

And he kissed me back almost immediately, just like he usually did.

The room was dark as usual, and with the flicker of Matt's table lamp in the distance contrasting with the blue computer screens, I could see our silhouettes on the dingy wall.

I lied. I wanted it hard and fast.

The damn phone kept ringing in the background as I convinced myself it wasn't _him_.

Matt was peeling my clothes off.

I reached out and ran my hands through his hair, wanting to make sense of the situation, overloading the sensory receptors in my fingertips, and focus on it...

"Ah!"

_Don't pick it up...don't pick it up... _

Matt was slowly grinding against me, and I liked the warm feeling, but his cigarette breath was unavoidable.

He took off his clothes, sparing me from the effort, presenting himself wholly and loyally to me.

"Matt..." I murmured in between hitching breaths and soft gasps, as he calmed me down by planting what felt like butterfly kisses along my face and neck.

Neiar never gave me little soft kisses. It was either hard and dragging or nothing at all. Hot yet cold at the same time.

_Shut up!_

Matt's fingers were exploring my frontside, each touches becoming more passionate, as if never wanting to miss even a millimeter of my skin.

I buried myself in the couch, my hands hanging on to Matt, never wanting to let go, because at least I knew he was real, as concrete as my wounds right now.

Right now.

"_Do you ever think of me, when you sleep with him?"_

_"Everytime."_

Stop!

To my relief, Matt was moving lower, in a staggered pace but sure, until he reached the zipper of my leather pants.

"Matt...hurry..."

My groin was moving by its own volition, and the next thing I knew I was thrusting myself into Matt and one of my hands reached under the couch, searching for whatever was left of my chocolate bar.

_He's better than you, Neiar..._

Like an obedient child, he engulfed me, hard and fast, doing whatever he could to maximise my pleasure.

I found the chocolate bar, and as soon as the first bite registered, it didn't take me long to come all over the place.

"Ah!"

It was over quicker than usual.

In between the ecstatic afterglow, I could hear Matt cleaning things up, and quickly light another cigarette.

The phone had stopped ringing.

I thought I was going to pass out, but I was kept awake by God knows what. And ready to take my turn to...

"Matt?"

The next thing I saw was Matt standing up, having put all his clothes back on, ready for another day of work as if nothing just happened.

"I thought..."

_Don't you want anything in return as usual?_

"I'm fine tonight, Mello. Just go to sleep."

And before I could make a comment, he disappeared to the next room, leaving me in the dark once again with the lingering smell of protein and cigarette smoke.

"Alright. Whatever."

8888888888_  
_

_04:59:59 AM_

I'm so sorry, Mello.

I never expected it to get this far.

But you got me hooked.

Because it was just so…

_"Mel?"_

_"Neiar...?"_

_"How did...?"_

_"I got us a secure line."_

And since that first time, when I heard you like that, all inhibitions aside, I couldn't stop.

One side of you I've never seen…or heard before. Your tone of voice, the words you chose, even the way you breathe…

_"Oh, you little…."_

You are so different around _him_.

It was a stupid little thing to do. Making up a random anonymous line, tap into your secure line, pretending to be him. Because I'd imagine it wouldn't have been impossible for the real Neiar to do it, but I secretly made sure the secure lines I set up for your own personal business could only be infiltrated by _me_.

A stupid little thing.

That _you_ lead me to do.

_Yes, you had that effect on me_.

Of course I was aware of the fact of how easy it could've been for you to figure me out, but when I cleverly dodged them, and you didn't seem interested in the past anyway, I thought we could just get away for a little while.

Our secret little heaven...just for a little while.

I thought if I could be him and we could have that just once in while...

_"Fancy that."_

Idiot.

God I wanted to hit myself.

An ironical joke.

Mello…

The one thing closest to me was the one furthest away from me.

I thought if I could pretend to be Neiar, I could have you all to myself.

There was never a Neiar, it was me the whole time.

And surely enough, the more I did it, the more I realised that you belonged to him in so many ways.

Then again…

_I doubted he'd do what I did._

Mello, you were my secret obsession, always had been and always will be, and I could never be Neiar.

The Neiar that was ingrained in you, for years and years, since the Wammy's House.

But…

_"I know what you're holding in your hand right now…"_

…those whispered fantasies, those intimate stories, belonged only to me and you. Not him.

_"I'm going to…"_

_"Me too…"_

_"Ahh…"_

_"Shhh!"_

Your mind may be making love to Neiar, but your body was making love to me.

_Mel…_

_It was okay, Matt._

In the end I'm just a fool.

A stupid, thoughtless moron blinded by lust and obsession who eventually put you at risk.

I should've thought of the possibility of the line being infiltrated somehow, being a random private line, and you being tracked down.

And now you're hurt.

All because of _me_.

I'm so sorry, Mel.

It was all my fault.

All I wanted was to give you something you can enjoy, but look what I've done.

_"Neiar, I…"_

Of course, if it wasn't for the bloody SPK…

_"Ahh…Mel…"_

_Neiar's_ SPK…

_"He was all over you wasn't he?" _

Phone calls after phone calls.

One intimacy after another.

Lies after lies.

_"He was all over you wasn't he?" _

_"So what if he was?"_

Mello…

So now…

Never again.

I don't want to put you in danger anymore.

I don't want you to get hurt anymore, Mel.

_"Oh. Gotta go."_

Tonight I'll revamp all our phone lines again, and erase all the tracks.

_"Yeah. Talk to you later."_

With that, I'll destroy the memories of our Telephone X.

And so…

Goodbye, Mello, my obsession, my life, my all.

_"So do you?"_

Because one thing's for sure.

_"Do you ever think of me, when you sleep with him?"_

No matter what I did, you will always be Neiar's.

_"Everytime." _


End file.
